You can also listen to Mehar's blog post here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4nfJSv3ZSDoGQgBHDvDGAf?si=800173ae07044ff3
For bodies month, I want to talk about the war between my body and my brain. My mind has its own hamster wheel; it’s constantly running with ideas, to-do lists, and plans, but my body struggles to keep up with it because I’m chronically ill.
I’m always ‘on’, and this isn’t necessarily a good thing. I don’t have many moments these days where I just do nothing, mainly because I started working a few months ago and just moved house, but also because my to-do lists never end. These lists include: groceries, medicines, medical admin, actually attending the appointments, self care maintenance, charity stuff, my own blog/insta, trying to have a social life, travelling, and a whole lot of other smaller things. It's a lot, I know.
Everyone who knows me, including my doctors, knows how stubborn I am. This means I'm attempting to do something at all times, even though I physically cannot do it and I end up in pain, drained, and left with an even bigger to-do list than I started with. Who does that help? Nobody. The main issue is I like doing things myself so they're done 'right'. Constantly trying to juggle work, a social life, medical stuff, and self care is not easy. Fun fact: I fainted today - I don't know if I fainted because I've had no breaks recently or because of something else, but it seemed fitting to mention it.
It makes me a little angry when my body can't keep up with me. I know I need to slow down, but it is very hard when your mind is perpetually running a marathon, and it is not easy to explain this to other people. The war between my body and the hamster wheel in my mind is something that makes me feel like two people, where my body and my mind are two separate entities. They both want and can do different things but in reality, they are one, so they can't actually be separated; my mind cannot complete my endless tasks while my body rests.
Rest up people! Do not burn out/crash for anyone or anything. I'm awful at taking my own advice but I'm working on it!!